Music

Afghan Proverb- In music, language has no concept.
Music is a universal language; it gives sound to and evokes our inmost emotions. Music is the art and beauty of sound.
Some people are passionate about music, others are passionate musicians, some enjoy a pleasant sound in the background and a few listen to it, but for no real reason. In a world where mp3’s are the standard, and vinyl is trendy. Music is not only an art or science, but a commodity, an object. It is something to be traded, imported, exported, bought, sold, pirated and produced. This however, strikes me as slightly curious. You cannot hold it, touch it, see it, it only exist in the vibrations of the tiniest particles around us. You can feel it, it can move you, at certain frequencies it can even destroy, but what is it about this simple sound that has made it so valuable? Music is the sound of hearts expressed in as many styles and traditions as there are types of people. Entire groups of people will listen to only one type of music because this is who they are… other people will listen to anything so long as someone else has said it is good music. Still others must only listen to a certain genre because it is the cultured, proper thing to do. I say, Music is music. It is a combination of art, science and soul. Some kinds of music favor one of these three, but music must always have each of these, without it ceases to be music. Music is the beauty of sound and just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, music is in the ear of the listener. Music speaks to the heart, and who is to say what one heart needs to hear or express, is better than another? Saying that one type of sound is or is not music, is “musicism”, just like racism, sexism and any other “ism” you would like to add. Even in the simplest things of life, like music, prejudice seeps in.
I have played music with bums on the streets of Denver, drummers in Africa, rockers in Europe, worshippers in American mega-churches, singers in Asia, and guitarist of Latin America. I can confidently say, Music has no common tongue, it is the language of the heart. This is why it is used in so many different forms of worship in almost every religion. Music is the heavenly tongue. Every single object in the entire universe is moving, when something moves it produces vibration, the basic element of music. The entire universe is making music. This is why music is so powerful, it is one of the basic elements of existence. Only with an entire lack of movement by every atom would there cease to be music. Eternal stillness, some would say hell. Perhaps if every person moved through life looking for the music in it, there would be less prejudice and more music appreciation. Imagine eternity not as an eternal reward, or utopia, or the next life, but stepping into an orchestra formed by the very existence of life. Every perfect sound exist in this place. If you have ever been to a symphony, and arrived early, you may have heard the orchestra tuning. It is a constant fluid sound. This I think will be similar to the experience of eternity, every eternal being tuned to an eternal creator. Existing in a perfect moment, for an eternal time.

The question of Trust...

In a recent conversation with a friend I was told that God had planted himself in me in a wonderful way. I know that he has and that I have come to place of trust with him that allows me to live the life I do, passionately and unreserved. However, in realizing this I also wonder what has led me to this place. What are the factors that have conspired to give me this trust?
The older I get the more I see the role my parents have played in laying the foundation for this trust. My parents have a trust in God that is incredible, to the point of cliché at times. I have watched them lose a child and raise four others. Move a family every few years, but keep a sense of home. Be incredibly hurt by those they have tried to serve. Push for what is best in the lives of those around them. Love my friends and me, even though they may not completely agree with certain life, style, or cultural decisions. Strive to be the best people and servants they possibly could. More and more I see the core if them being able to accomplish this is deep, real, honest relationship with an eternal creator, trusting that they were hearing God. This has set me on the same path, one that I have struggled with and often against, but have decided to make my own.
I cannot point to a single point where I decided to trust God. Looking back over my life I see instances in which he has been present, also, times when I thought him very distant. I have struggled with the reality of this planet and with what I hope is true. I have often had to say, “I don’t get it,” “I don’t understand,” “I thought…” and then follow it with, “but I will trust.” I have a relationship with an eternal being, I don’t know how it all works, I don’t know what eternity looks like, I don’t understand how this being can let so may bad things happen, but I know he is real and I know him. I can dialogue with him, struggle with life with him, be honest and real, no matter what. When bad things happen it makes me angry, when good things happen I am thankful, but sometimes wonder why good things happen to me while others are starving. I don’t think there is a good answer. If you try to give me one, I will think explicit thoughts. The world is messed up, if there is hope it rests in an Eternal being, not the good intentions of finite minds.
Without solid answers and understanding how can I possibly trust? I don’t know exactly. I think a possibility is I equate beauty with the existence of God. I can see beauty; this is how I see God. I don’t need a scientific explanation to trust that beauty exist, I can see it. Who cares that it is only light, reflecting and refracting through water vapor and the gases of earth’s atmosphere to create an incredible sunset, its beautiful. Music is a combination of certain vibrations moving from one tiny particle to the next through the air into my ear, contacting bones and nerves that convert them into signals that my brain recognizes, so what, its beautiful. I don’t need to understand how these things work for them to beautiful, they just are. I believe that God placed this desire for beauty in us so that when we doubt we can see where he is. Some people are more sensitive to seeing it. They are the same people that notice when it is absent. Just as beauty allows me to see God, pain and suffering gives rise to questions. Questions are what I base trust on. Not necessarily the answers I get, but the reality in the dialogue. I can trust an answer I don’t like, if I trust the person it comes from. If I am allowed to question, then perhaps truth isn’t hiding; I just haven’t seen it yet.
In the times I have felt God absent, that I felt I was in a desert far away from the soothing water of his presence, I have struggled. At times I have entered those times not knowing I would be with out the feeling of his presence. It is in those times I feel the seeds were sown for the trust planted in me now. Every time I have struggled with life I have then seen in the years after how it prepared me for the future. The terrible things that have happened in my life and those around me, God did not cause. However, when I ran to him with questions he held me and used those times and struggles to show me more of who he is. I have felt him weep with me, laugh with me, and walk with me. These are the instances that I believe have led to my deep trust, the realization that God has emotion, that pain and joy affect him. He himself said He weeps with those that weep and rejoices with those that rejoice. From incredible loss I have seen community, from deep pain I have seen hope, in great poverty I have seen generosity. These are the seeds planted in me. These are actions not possible with out the influence of an eternal creator. At times I forget to water these seeds and they whither a bit, but the seeds planted are those of cactus like resolve, plants that can survive, if needed, for years with out rain, living only on the sparse moister in the ground and around surrounding them.
This is me, to those of you reading… My life is one of extremes, not everyone is made to live in a desert. Some are created to survive only in the rainforest fed and watered daily, others in the marsh and delta, plants that must have their roots immersed in water at all times to survive. Many start needing the delta, but move to the desert, as I feel I have. We must understand, and continue to strive to understand where God is trying to plant us. I do not wish to live always in the desert, it is hot and dry, I wish the entire world and every person in it could live with roots planted deep in the seas of God’s Love. That is why I live the life I do, to be a bucket that God can use to pull water from his deep wells placed in every corner of his creation. One of my favorite proverbs is, A mans heart holds deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out. This is my life goal, to draw others out. To trust, so that others may trust the words I speak and write.

Why I Do...What I Do

There are two ways of pursuing life; one is to hold up ideals. The other is to practice disciplines. Ideals are objects of thought that seem amazing, but are never really believed to be possible. However, a discipline is an avenue of thought, a trained knowledge. I choose to live in discipline. Many of the disciplines I hold dear are seen by many as ideals. Hope, peace, beauty, faith and love are just a few examples. I have discovered that these are not ideals, but truths that must be fought and trained for. Having hope is a difficult thought to hold on to, peace is not a lack of fighting, but a pervading calm. Beauty is everywhere, but we must train our eyes and hearts to see it. Faith is trusting that something is real, even if it seems impossible, trust is worked for, not only given. Love is far more than an emotion felt by high school sweethearts, but a conscious decision to do what is best for those dear to us.
I cannot say I hold these words dear if I do nothing to see them realized. This is why I live the life I do. Christ said that the one true religion was taking care of widows and orphans. This is a beautiful ideal, but he meant it as a discipline. Jesus set an example for life, living in community with those he loved. Community is an ideal held dear to those that call themselves Christians, but it must be a discipline. Community does not appear out of two hours of meetings, twice a week, but instead in disciplining ourselves to invest in the lives of those around us and then being vulnerable enough to let them invest in us.
I am created with the mindset to survive and thrive in the most extreme of environments. I seek out extremes, in faith and life. I must test what of my faith is discipline and what is ideal. There are many things taught to me as a child that I am only now discovering are more than ideals. For instance, perfect love casts out fear. This is a discipline I must practice, a way of knowledge that must be cultivated. Also, it works in two ways. If I accept the love God has for me, then there is nothing I should be afraid of, and, this is the most beautiful thing, if I love someone perfectly, how could I possibly be afraid them. Think of the implications of this if everyone practiced it. No one would be afraid to talk to homeless, addicted, imprisoned, abused, dying, or hateful people. If I truly love people, then how could I possibly be afraid of an act of terror? By removing fear from life it allows a mind to develop wisdom, to see clearly, not clouded by fear.
Christ said the entire old law could be stated as two things Love God, Love people. These are not ideals. They are commands, which we must be disciplined in to follow. I am not called to convert people to a western religion, but to portray a life of lived disciplines in such a way that people are drawn to the perfect love that lives within me. This place is not the west and has plenty of religion. What it needs is not a replacement faith, but love, unconditional, untheological, reckless, ridiculous Love. Meeting and getting to know Christ is not a logical process down a roman road, culminating in four laws, followed by years of sermons and translated hymns. God does not promise safety and prosperity, but eternal life and peace that passes understanding. He wants the best for us, in this world and the next. So we must work with the power he offers and the love he gives to bring safety and prosperity, but we cannot preach these as results of faith. Instead, we must teach the cultivation of certain fruits, love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control. When these are cultivated, there will be safety and prosperity. None of this can be separated into systems, that is logic bred from Greek thinking, and Jesus was not a Greek, but a Jew, an Asian, an eastern thinker. In the east life is viewed as holistic, body and spirit integrated. Jesus was that exactly, God and Human integrated, you cannot separate his humanity from his spirituality, and we are called to be Christ-like, the very meaning of Christian. Just as actions are both physical and spiritual. Giving is not only a physical transaction, but showing someone they have value, a very spiritual need.
Here is the longing of my heart, to meet physical as well as spiritual needs. I hope to introduce those I love to my eternal Creator, but the agenda is Love, nothing more, nothing less.

Seriously?

I take humor and delight in being serious. I do all this writing, questioning and challenging foundational teachings. I look for holes in the systematic and historical teachings that have been fed to me for so many years, but… I do it with a twinkle in my eye and a dubious grin on my face. I love seeing the humor in what we often take seriously. For instance, how can it possibly be of eternal importance how much water is used in a ceremony to show our dedication to God. If it is, perhaps we should then use only fresh water, salt is impure and could affect our eternal destination. So when I question, it is to uncover the ridiculous thinking that has permeated much of our thought as well as to honestly seek truth. Often I will hear someone say a cliché statement, something that has been spoon fed to them, or a perspective being viewed through a fish-eye lens of culture, and my mind will crack a smile thinking, this is going to be fun. For me conversation over conflicting points is one of the greatest pastimes. It stretches the mind, lets you see into the heart of another person, and look for truth together. Convincing is never the goal, but understanding perspective. If someone has an opposing perspective and it is a solid, well thought out, perspective, then there is no need to change it. Perspective is simply an angle from which we look. However, if there is no thought behind it, if it doesn’t capture an accurate image, then let the fun begin. For those of you that know me, you know, that I like to push buttons, I like to find out what makes people tick, how their brain is working. One of the greatest tools to do this is to confront a concept or belief they hold dear. The way a person responds to this will give you a look into their heart. It will show insecurities, passions, and Love or it’s lack. It allows me to see the best way to communicate. If you know where a person’s heart is, you know how to speak to it. More to come on this topic later, but for now I got to jet…

A Little Lady

I have had several people over the last couple of months ask if there is a girl in my life. So, I thought I would finally give an honest answer. The answer is yes, there is a girl in my life, we are actually living together, it’s a big step I know, but I think we are both ready for it. She is a few years younger than me, but very mature for her age. She is from a village just outside of town, but understands English. Occasionally there will be small misunderstandings due to her still learning the language, but mostly not. Also, me being an American, and her a local, she is very defensive of me, something greatly needed here. She is very strong willed and will not tolerate ill treatment when boys sometimes tease her about being with me. It is wonderful, she actually works at home, mostly, so it is great to come home at the end of the workday and have her at the door to meet me. Also, she is quite athletic and enjoys running everyday some how finding space to do it in the small garden that we have. She has precious, deep brown eyes and a dark complexion with a few lighter highlights. We are able to spend a good bit of time together, taking walks through the city at sunset, the occasional motorcycle ride, although she is not as big a fan of that as I. She loves to listen to me play guitar, and will sit for hours and listen to me play. We are still working out the responsibilities of cleaning up around the house, but slowly we are coming to an agreement, she is wonderful to let me cook anytime I want, it being something I enjoy greatly. I don’t know how she does it, she is able to eat and eat, licking a plate clean, and still stay fit. I am blessed that she likes my cooking. We share a couple of common taste that we can enjoy together, she likes pancakes, the occasional coffee, watermelon, and absolutely loves a good steak, my kind of girl. It is quite soothing to have someone around, to cuddle up next to me for a movie, or make sure I am up in time for work, as well as just bringing joy with her youthful frolicking. I have been blessed with her companionship, and I have been able to give her a life far removed from the fighting and ill treatment she would have received in the villages.
Well…. A satirical look into my life and that of the little lady in it.

Placebo

The mind can be a dainty device throwing the body into a state of hypochondriac fear. I often feel that people throw the phrase of “it will all work out for good” or “it’s God’s will” as a placebo to fix the sickness felt when confronted with the reality of how the messed up the events of this planet truly are. God can use all things for good and God does have a plan for each of us, but sometimes, often, God must allow the enemy to do his work of execrable worth. These cliché phrases are used to account for anything bad that happens. God is not in control. He has placed it in our hands. This is the terrifying reality that accompanies free will. If God is in control, why are people raped, murdered, starved, taken advantage of, and hopeless. No, God is watching these things happen. It breaks his heart to see what we have done with the power invested in us, the power to affect and infect those around us. It is also the beautiful dichotomy of our existence. We can allow God to be in control, but we must allow it. When he placed the tree of knowledge of good and evil in the garden with two children, he knew there was a risk. One worth taking, there is nothing more terrible than stealing whether it be the smallest possession or life. There is also nothing more beauty than giving, and the greatest is control. For God to be in control, we must place the authority of free will squarely in his hands. It is then that he can use all things for good and his will be done. However, if a person has kept his or her self outside that control, then there is no atrocity impossible to be committed. People like to use these ridiculous placebos of thought to cover fear. Fear that everything might not be ok. If God has complete control of everything that happens then there is no need for us to have a relationship with him. There was no need for Christ to die.
I have read the end of the book, we win, but we are in the middle of battle, everyday, that we could lose. We must not live in the end when the present is pressing. Because the end is written we have a great responsibility to work towards it, not wait, with stupid grins on our face for it to happen. I see so many people just sitting around wishing that Jesus would come back. That’s the candy-assed easy way out. We have to fight, we have to love, we have to work for it to happen. This is such a contrariety. I struggle to place into words how my mind stretches at these thoughts. Nowhere in the New Testament are the people of God referred to as an army, but we must fight. People think that the most loving thing to do is to tell the salvation story at any pause in conversation, and yet the Bible says no many has greater love than to lay down his life for his friends, work is not certain actions we accomplish, but in living life the we were created to, walking next to God. We have created all these placebos to fix the sickness we feel in not being near to God. We have to serve, we have to share, we have to… all we have to do is Love God, and Love People. If anything else in our line of sight then we are distracted. So many byproducts of these loves have placed instead as actions to accomplish to prove that we are actually Loving. Jesus’ first miracle wasn’t forgiving sins; it was bringing life…to a party.

How I am...

I do love this city. The days are hot, but as the sun fades from the sky and the heat recedes, people emerge from the shelter of their mud homes to enjoy the coolness of night. Sitting on a hillside I enjoy the ant like movement, to and fro, under the brilliant color of a desert canvas sky. Cruising with a friend with the wind sticking my hair up straight towards the sky I cannot help but smile at the perfection of this evening. It is moments such as this, that there is no doubt in my mind that at this time, in this place, with these people, my life is perfectly centered on the path my eternal creator has set before me. The steps I have taken to reach contentment have been grueling at times, but I can feel my spirit, mind and body toning for the future. I have an excitement for life that is rare to me. I can see, taste, smell, touch and hear the beauty of our broken world. I can sense the perfection that is under the corrosive rust of deception, an acid cloud settled into the hearts of men. Hope is a sweet taste that lingers on my tongue. It is balanced by the bitter, wholesome, coffee like taste of reality. To see the potential in the midst of chaos is a stunning site. There is a magnificent sculpture waiting to be carved out of the dead wood drifting through time and space called earth. It holds an allure of grandiose that only the creator can fully see, the place lost to all minds but those of Adam and Eve who once saw it, but left in shame. I can see the brilliant light filtered through cracks in the darkness, created by those that choose to love one another, to care for widows and orphans, to enter the gates of hell and pull out the dying.
Questions are like caffeine to my soul, opening my eyes, removing the dreary sleep imposed by the great deceiver, they allow me to see past the horrid pain that exists all around. I have a creator who will answer them, when my hope is slipping, my faith failing, and my strength wavering, I cry out, and from the vast expanse of the heavenly realm comes a voice of peace, soothing, reverberating through the problems of the day, rattling loose the grime that has lodged in my mind. Clearing my eyes to soak in the warm existence of something that is good, of the being from which our definition of it rises.
Last night my home was full of men, men that know this light only slightly, if at all. Looking around me love rose in me like rarely before. I want the scene of that dinner to be repeated in eternity. These are my brothers. These men are why I am living the life I am. My home is a refuge to me, one that I can bring others into. There is no greater comfort to me than community, lived in the light of Love and the one from whom it comes.
The café is beautiful. It has the blood, sweat and tears of months of expression and work built into its very walls. It is like no other place in the entire country. It speaks of art, community, and good food. People are beginning to find its tables and cushions a place of rest. Soon we will be in the stage of tuning rather than building and then… We will see if our hopes come true.