Where were you?

Where were you?

Where were you when he was alone, screaming to be heard,
When all he wanted to was to loved,
Where were you when he stretched out his hand, needing to be touched,
When he cried, loathed, spoke against life,
Where were you when friends escaped him,
When his heart turned to stone,
Where were you when his plans began to rage into the insane,
When thoughts began to turn into reality,

Where was I when rage passed me by,
When those I have known entertained death,
Where was I when others have dreamt of dying,
When life seemed torture to continue,
Where was I when brokenness shattered into reality,
When shame was allowed to live,
Where was I when Satan was allowed to play his hand,
When his lies were perceived as truth,

And you God,
Where were you when he entered my world,
When hell was allowed to enter my home,
Where you when his eyes no longer shone,
When they sucked light from life,
Where you when he let bullets fly,
When they struck my family,
Where you when they began to breath their last,
When they did not understand what had just occurred,
Where were you when it was understood the love that was lost,
When hearts were ripped open, in ways that should not be,
Where were you when each answer seemed not nearly good enough,
When all I wanted was to understand,
Where were you at that moment, in that hallway, on that night,
When reality seemed no longer real?

The only answer that I can trust is that you were there,
Screaming that this choice would not be chosen,
Weeping with me as reality sunk into the deepest places of my soul,
Holding those dear to me as they entered eternity,
At that moment, and those after, your heart too was ripped to pieces just as mine,
Weeping over life lost and life distorted,
Screaming, as I have, WHY MUST THIS HAPPEN!
Holding my family in your arms speaking that this world is very messed up and you love us amidst it all.

Truth

In arenas of philosophy, religion and science it is our concept of truth that rules our thought process and pursuit of truth. Each of us would likely be able to place our thought process into a category favoring one of these avenues. Thinking out what is logical, faith in the power of a supreme being, or discovering for our selves through careful study and experimentation. All are necessary for complete understanding; one cannot be placed above the others. What if, however, truth changed? Not what we perceive as truth, but what is actually true. What if truth was relative while at the same time it was absolute? In science this is not possible. Science is the study of the laws that govern the universe. In Religion this is most definitely not possible because each religion sets itself up as the absolute truth. In philosophy this is a possibility. Also, we must consider the difference in thought between the east and the west. The east is holistic. Truth is circular and all encompassing, experienced before understood. Western is logical, linear. If a reasonable explanation can be given, then it is accepted.
Take for instance the writing of the bible. The Old Testament is written in one of the simplest languages, Hebrew, some words can even be translated differently, although simple it is still very poetic and picturesque. In this section of the bible God is described using pictures that we can relate with, he is a master, father, friend, shepherd, He is a Rock, and He is a Lion. The New Testament However is written in Greek, one of the most complicated. Words are loaded with meaning, each one having a very specific definition. Here God is described as Omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent, words that we must understand the depth of and have knowledge of before completely understanding them. Each way of thought is inherently different, but both are needed for complete understanding of who God is and how we can relate to truth.
What if truth could change dependent upon the relationship we have with it? If everyone is connected to God to some extent then that relationship contains certain absolutes, because God is absolute. However, take Marriage. One person added with another person creates one person bound in the commitment of marriage. 1+1=1. Mathematically this is impossible, math is absolute. However in this, the relationships of the components within the equation are altered and truth changes. In the Old Testament of the Bible it was acceptable to spread the kingdom of God using physical warfare. Today that is no longer acceptable, because our relationship with God has changed through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Truth changed because our relationship with it changed.
When I was child, summer was the time of year for which I endured the rest to experience. There was so much to do in those three glorious months that school could not interfere with. The days seemed to last forever as the sun only set about the time my parents sent me to bed. There were baseball games to play that lasted days, forts to build and wars to fight from them, fish to catch, rivers, ponds, pools to swim in, lawns to mow, hills to conquer with my bike, girls to taunt, and friends to be made. Life was a glorious adventure. The heat was always bearable because it only lasted until the cool water enveloped me or until the air conditioning kicked in. The entire world was a beautiful place full of joy, life and adventure.
My friend in Afghanistan, on the other hand, had a very different childhood. On the way to school in the middle of summer, he would see bodies hanging in the middle of the round about placed there as a deterrent from disobedience. At soccer games, some he would play in, during half time they would bring adulterers in to stone publicly. He had to learn a second language simply to survive so that when the Taliban stopped him he could speak to them in their language to appease them. One fall afternoon he was flying a kite from his rooftop when two tanks sitting on the hillside suddenly exploded, he then noticed the bomber flying overhead. His entire family moved into the mountains for weeks as the US invaded. His sisters for a time were educated in secret under penalty of death if caught. To him the world is a vicious place, filled with death and destruction. In his world war is not a game. Due to land mines walking through a field is far more dangerous than walking down the street. One of my other friend’s fathers is a Mullah who lost his leg to a car bomb left by those that claim to practice the same religion. To him there is little life in this world.
Both worlds are real, but our relationships with that world have determined what world is true for us. I still believe the world to be full of joy, life and adventure, although it contains pain, death and injustice. For my friends the world is full of fear, deception and war, although it contains beauty, friends and opportunity.
If we are to understand the world around we must understand that the worlds in which we live differ greatly. While some truths are unchanging some are not.

Contradictions

In my few travels I have seen the cardboard city of Juarez Mexico, housing over a million in shacks built of cardboard and shipping pallets, the townships (squatter camps) of South Africa where one in three is an orphan of AIDS and one in two carries this terminal disease, the red light district of Amsterdam filled with experiences that last but a moment as an attempt to remove us from reality, people living in caves in the Atacama Desert in northern Chile, poor in rotting sinking homes in the Mississippi river delta, the bullet riddled, still untamed streets and mountains of Afghanistan, pilgrims bathing among dead bodies in the Ganges River of India, Hospitality from those that despise America, Andean sunsets that will take your breath away, Himalayas ignited with a touch of sunrise school children full of joy playing in dirt streets with no worries, healing in a country that has known only hatred, meals served from a place of poverty, dangerous Chai, toothless smiles, and rancid hugs. My life is one of contradiction. Do I accept it or attempt to reconcile the broken and the beautiful? I have heard it said that it is brokenness that makes the beautiful. I find this unacceptable. Christ said “I have come that you may have life and have it to the fullest” not “I have come that you will know your life is better than all the rest.” Recently I have begun to question what does life to the fullest mean? Is it spiritual or is it physical? As one with a desire to see this “life to the fullest” come to fruition I wonder what does it look like, what should I pursue? If I seek reconciliation then it must be hearts and bodies that need healing. Which comes first? For a century or more missionaries have focused on saving the souls of those in Africa. From the outside it seems a great success story. By some estimates sub-Saharan Africa is 80% Christian. At the time of the terrible genocide in Rwanda it too was considered 80% Christian. Africa is dying, from disease, war, poverty, corruption and apathy. This says to me that saving souls does not heal a land. Especially when the medication is western Christianity. This mentality is a carry over from Gnosticism. Save the soul, the physical is not important because we have heaven to look forward to. This completely separates the physical and the spiritual, which is exactly what the early Gnostics did. Healing must take place in both the spiritual and the physical. It is the way we as humans were created. To operate in both realms, not discard one for the other. If God is a god of relationship, not religion, then we must study this relationship between physical and spiritual. Christ said that taking care of widows and orphans was the one true religion. Religion based on the relationship we have with one another. Not focused on the worship of a supreme being. Religion is a system of values by which we live our life. With a system in place life becomes simple, for every occasion there is an answer. However, in a world of contradictions religion falls short. Only in relationship with a supreme being in whom the contradictions can be confronted can physical and spiritual coexist.

Questions

Through out history man looked to the spiritual for answers to every question. The occurrences of each day were the responsibility of the gods. Life was absolute; control was in the hands of beings whose slightest whims led to life or death. Now the spiritual fights for life as a modern world tries desperately to smother it or place it in the realm of philosophy, a kind of therapy for weak minds to cope with a counterfeit reality. This is the struggle in which I live. My generation is looking desperately for meaning in any realm it can be found. Religion and science seem at odds each trying to explain a world in which neither has complete understanding. Who can we look to? What should I look for? What is absolute and what is relative? My faith leads me to acceptance of certain absolutes; such as there is a God, one God that cares deeply for this broken planet. However, it is faith that struggles at times to reconcile the pain I see with the love I know. I am not a scholar, some have even suggested my thoughts heresy, although, heresy lies in statements, not questions. My talents rest in a desire for truth and a wish to see the world healed. Here, I wish to explore a conversation I have been engaged in with my creator, my friends and myself. I hope to pose questions. Possibly, they will lead to truth revealed. It is questions that lead to truth, not acceptance of another’s teaching. If I am not allowed to question then what is life? If questions are not allowed then truth cannot exist, but a clever façade created to control with fear. This is the fear instilled in religion. No questions, no problems, blind acceptance, a life that is easy. There are no variables. Unfortunately this is not real. Even so millions follow.
In every religion there are those that can be categorized as radical fundamentalist. These are the few that have opted for the extreme absolute of a single aspect of their religion. In doing so they remove the need for questions, they simply accept whatever their spiritual authority tells them. Many times this leads to false teaching. There is no accountability for those at the extremes. Questions are not asked, those following want truth fed to them rather than discovering it and those in leadership do not tolerate the few that question. This is also true of those that are not fundamentalist, but simply extremist. For example new age cults such as the one led by Charles Manson or the Branch Davidians. In these instances it was not at all fundamental. Both were able to convince a group of people that what they taught was truth, with out question. It is those that allow me to question that I trust the most. Especially in matters of my faith.
While questions are imperative for healthy living, trust is also. If questions are all that we base our existence on we become cynical and unhappy reaching a point of trusting no one and no thing. Questions must be in the pursuit of truth with no other agenda. If they are to undermine authority or to prove ones intellect over another then questions serve a purpose other than that of truth. Questions can become religion in themselves, worshiping the pursuit of the unknown. The pursuit of truth and the use of questions, I believe, should always lead to dialogue in which questions are followed by listening, leading to understanding, an application of truth.

Thanksgiving

The warmth of a fire, slow snow, good food, and intimate friendships provide the perfect backdrop for an evening of thanks. Conversations drift towards future plans, past thanksgivings, family traditions and the smell of a feast fills the room. Plus, a bit of smoke while the oven does its best to turn out the perfect bird. The kitchen is filled with cooks each preparing his or her favorite dish using family recipes passed down generation after generation, especially Mrs. Stovetop and Mr. Instant. The serving table is almost as full as the room. Children play joyfully bringing smiles too most and stress to a few. There is little blood family in the room, but we each share a bond nearly as close, thanksgiving for the lives we have been blessed with, lives intertwined, lives of extreme passion and unashamed faith.
This thanksgiving, shared for the second year with those whom I work and live close to, in the mountains of Colorado, was a beautiful practice in community. I have not laughed, nor eaten, nearly this much in a very long time. Although we were each away from our families I believe we each felt that this time was a special one that few can experience. I found myself soaking up each moment, knowing that times such as these are rare. My life is leading me in directions that may seldom lead me to my home to celebrate these Holidays, bringing distant lives near again. With that perspective at the forefront of my thoughts, every instant was one of worth, each relationship one that I wanted to invest in. Thankfulness and hoping that days would not end created endless vivid moments. Inevitably, the question, “What are you thankful for?” was asked redundantly. Each time the answer could, should be different. My list includes, family, friends, faith, passion, opportunity, Life. I think that this year, for the first time, I truly appreciated the need for a celebration such as this. For the first time it was more than a meal and a few days off work, but truly a celebration of thankfulness for the life I have been given and share with those around me. I hope that in the future my holidays will always be as bright as these. Happy Thanksgiving!

Balance

Ying and Yang, this eastern philosophy states that we must have evil to equal good and bring balance to life. This however denotes an endless cycle of life and death with no end and no true beginning, accepting with out questioning the occurrences of life. This is hopelessness. One life, one cycle, one action, has no bearing no importance for it is but one of many and balanced by the opposite. Love is pointless; it will simply be balanced by an equal hatred. Reaching a point of nothingness is the ultimate goal, a life removed from reality, slipping out of existence. Where is hope in this? The cycle must be broken. Human nature has not changed for all our existence. Many scientists would say that evolution has led us to this point in history. If we are evolving then why is the only aspect that has progressed knowledge. We still war, we still hate, we still ignore, we still covet, we still lust, we still lie, we still wish to prove that God is our invention. To prove that life is nothing more than action and reaction. A process that if controlled will lead to utopia. The perfect city of human creation.
Perhaps balance is not in the fact that everything must have an opposite, but in placing ourselves in position to not fall. When riding a bike our weight must be centered. It is possible to have more of our body to one side or the other and still not fall, if we keep our weight centered. We must do the same with our perspectives and beliefs. Sometimes we must entertain extremes to bring us centered again, to keep us rolling. Our desire should be always to rest at the fulcrum of truth. Sometimes this will require a great weight to be placed opposite us because we have wandered so far from the center. Also, we may at times serve as that weight for others holding them up if they wander far away. When children are small it is always a matter of pride to be able to balance yourself on the teeter-totter. The process is started by jumping up and quickly moving back and forth until equilibrium is reached, Success! Our perspectives are many times the same. Shifting back and forth trying reach a precarious position of stillness. On the teeter-totter if we bring our friends in we can easily balance with a bit of communication and teamwork. The same is true with the communities we live in; we can try and reach balance on our own or bring others in to help us.

The Village

Written Mid-October, Near Narengar, Nepal
My home for the last week has been one of cozy simplicity. Each night I fall asleep sharing my bed with one of the other guys, a bed that soft would never be used in its description while adequate suffices quite well. Morning brings the rooster, as usual, crowing at the earliest break of dawn; here life is on the same schedule as the sun slow steady, warm and refreshing. Children are a constant. Everywhere they are playing simple games and being kids in ways that would terrify modern western parents. Slingshots are still a necessity, dogs are always a nuisance and throwing rocks is an acceptable form of entertainment, whether it’s at each other or a nearby house. The home in which I am staying is of simple construction it was built by the owner with no power tools from logs that he milled. The floor is mud compacted to a smooth comfortable surface. There is nothing square, level, or sealed, but it is sturdy and homey. The traffic through the house is always at a consistent pace containing children, baby goats, chickens and the occasional dog, it’s like a petting zoo come to you. In the corner hangs a bunch of bananas slowly turning yellow from the top down, hanging from the rafters are ears of corn drying to be used through the winter. Life is an exercise of survival. Through out the day gentle sunbeams stream through wafting smoke to illuminate the interior through the rough cut walls.
Outside is constant motion, although the sound of an engine or horn is a rare thing. It is far more common to hear the sound of baby chicks, goats, water buffalo, pigs, birds, children, laughter and the breeze. Roads are made for walking and the occasional buffalo cart. Work is done entirely by hand, with the occasional exception of a tractor for the extremely difficult. Community is needed not only for relationship, but also for survival and accomplishment. On the top of the hill behind the house there is a church being built for the small community of believers slowly growing here. The land was donated by one family, the money for materials given by the entire church, from people that have almost no money to begin with. While building is underway all who can are available to work and give input on the best way to accomplish the task. It is truly a labor of love.
Food here is a matter of nutrition rather than entertainment, it is very tasty and well made, but always made of only a few staple ingredients rice, dal (lentils), potatoes, a few spices and an occasional chicken, that was previously running through the house. Breakfast is the only differing meal, fruit and toast or boiled eggs. Meals are always a sufficient source of nutrients needed for an active life, with meals six hours apart.
By far my favorite aspect of this place is our daily bathing and clothes washing. Each afternoon after working or having an open-air event we head to the river. The favored spot is in a small enclave that is seemingly hidden from the entire world. A waterfall of perhaps nine meters into a deep pool feeding the sinkhole in which we bathe, just big enough to jump and dive from the top of the waterfall. One day when we arrived to swim monkeys had already taken up residency, but they quickly offered us the place to ourselves. Although I lost my watch to its depths I will forever love the hidden playground.
One evening I was privileged to join their bi-weekly bible study. Four homemade jar-candles light dimly the faces of the villagers as we worship in their language. I am able only to clap in time as they sing. We are surrounded by tall trees mango, banana, papaya and some I do not know. The home outside of which we are meeting rests atop a small knoll; in the distance the silhouettes of hills are barely visible as the moon drifts behind thin clouds. The stars above are near enough to touch and twinkle with a clarity rarely seen, the faint blue gases of the Milky Way seeping through the vacuum. While teaching begins children play mischievously just out of reach of light and discipline. The faces of those in the circle give entrance to a world that I will likely never understand; they have worked harder for survival than I ever have for a paycheck. In their heart lives the same God as mine, yet their knowledge of him is far different. They came to a saving knowledge of him not through logical decision making, cultural upbringing, or even needing to fill an emptiness, but by seeing his power in rescuing and healing them from the demonic and life threatening sickness.
It is timeless moments such as these that I am most amazed at the God whom I serve. I do not deserve the experiences and privileges I am given. However, I am grateful beyond expression for them.

Friends

Special events have a way of bringing people together that once lived in close community, but have now been scattered by the pursuit of life. In this close group, this is a very special time, we never know when this could happen again, this side of heaven. In these times, especially times of celebration, lives are intimate again. With modern technology it is simple to keep in contact, however, there are certain nuances that can only be shared in person. Here is the true meter by which others can see the depth of friendship, we each connect again seamlessly, being able to share the truth of our lives, not only the newest facts, but emotion, disappointments, dreams and hopes. It is not a practice in small talk, but the art of conversation. Looks shared across the room are understood, stories are told that are hilarious, because they were there. Common history allows for statements and stories to be perfectly filtered. There is little awkwardness due to the fact that everyone has already shared hundreds of awkward moments in the past. In this group of friends I find a special bond, not only have we shared lives together, but we have shared lives striving for community. We have an understanding and perspective of the world that few groups do, we each love to travel, we love to laugh, we love each other, and we love to be in the presence of our eternal Creator. These common denominators have allowed us be not only friends, but a community. This community has lives that have been intertwined in incredible ways that only the flair of a master artist could create. Each of us wonders when and how our lives will once again be brought in to close proximity. When will be able to share life again, not only share about life. We each long for this depth of friendship daily, that we once shared in a previous season of life.